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© 2022 Paul Huxham. All rights reserved.

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  • on Friends, lovers and loss

    the author's notes on a cycle of thoughts
    Here, a collection of feelings and how they can be communicated with and miscommunicated between people. Not a singular story but an arduous cycle that toys with my mind.

    What happens to people who have these feelings and who are left alone? Questions without answers, like my life is right now. I have shed so many tears looking for answers. I have wiped them from my face late at night; trying to find a reason, a purpose. There is neither. It is so disheartening to come to the realisation that maybe there is no light.

    Although, maybe I have to transit complete and utter darkness to be able to see any light and come out the other side. It is all I have left to hold on to when you and you and you and everything else is gone.

    3rd November 2022
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  • A friend and nothing more

    May a river of good fortune run through your life.
    May light keep the darkness pushing back at all of us; away from you.
    May you be ever forgiving to my ineptitude.

    Let your character and personality shine through everything you do.
    Let your sense of right and wrong hold unwaveringly.
    Let some moments be shared with others like me.

    I would not stand by while they cast aspersions or ridicule you.
    I would never knowingly let you fall or be left alone.
    I would only ever help you if that was what you wanted.

    There are those who come from nowhere and disappear over the horizon.
    Some want to meet you in the middle with a sense of purpose.
    But my love for you is the love of a friend who can look in your eyes and see who you are.
    A love acknowledged with a hug and a smile.
    And nothing more.

    I am ever grateful to know you.
    There are friends, and then there are friends.
    And that is what we are.
    A part of the friends, lovers and loss cycle 2022

  • The seasons change

    Will you stay with me until the end?
    Will you stay and be my friend?
    My life and my love is in your hands.
    Please hold on and don’t let go.

    You are my sun.
    You are the one.
    I’ve looked for you for all my life.
    In my heart I feel it is true.

    Come home to be with me.
    Be at ease and feel free.
    I know we can find a place
    where we can lay down to rest.

    The seasons change; they’re like us too.
    Never quite the same colour of blue.
    Finding you has taken a very long time.
    We have a lot of catching up to do.
    A part of the friends, lovers and loss cycle 2022

  • Friends just are

    Truly good friends are always there.
    Only to be seen when you are in need.
    With compassion and selfless thought
    or a hug to keep you from despair.

    I feel the love of a friend is all we need
    and that is what you have given me.
    Some will say I want more than that.
    But I'm not going there; It's not for me.

    Why is it so hard to have people believe?
    How can the simplest ideas be misunderstood?
    Love is a multiplier of feelings and emotions.
    Though not always a romantic notion.

    Listen and read carefully
    for you will discover I mean what I said.
    “I like you and love you”, but not like that.
    Being my friend is all I ever wanted.
    A part of the friends, lovers and loss cycle 2022

  • Without you there

    Life seems to be alright.
    It’s on par with how I feel tonight.
    I know I’ve seen those clouds before.
    They usually pass us by.

    Strange the movement of the air,
    without you there.
    Strange deception everywhere.
    We shouldn’t need to be aware
    that everything must be declared.
    Strange how different things can be
    without you there

    Life has changed but still goes on.
    I feel too much and yet I try
    to hold my thoughts and not to cry.
    Emotions never pass me by.

    Strange my feelings when they’re laid bare,
    without you there.
    Strange connections I’m aware.
    Released from you is where I find
    another of like mind.
    Strange how pages of life turn
    without you there.
    A part of the friends, lovers and loss cycle 2022

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    Nothing can be done

    Just go away.
    Leave me alone.
    There’s nothing you can do here.

    Pickup the pieces.
    Collect the broken bits of me.
    Throw them far away.

    We were in each others lives.
    How is it that we find
    we are on opposite sides now?

    I never asked for this,
    or dreamed it would come to this.
    But here we are.

    Like you have removed yourself from my life.
    Life is being removed from me
    and I know it will be the end.

    My mind which was at ease
    is now awash with pain and suffering
    that I can no longer bear.

    It is a bitter pill to swallow
    or maybe I should have long ago.
    Given again the chance, would I?

    Better that I feel the pain
    to allow your life a chance again.
    Someone must gain from this.

    Just remember me when I am gone.
    Think what it was really about.
    Should you have given me a chance to explain?

    I will go away.
    You will shed a tear.
    And there will be nothing that can be done.
    A part of the friends, lovers and loss cycle 2022